Broken Heart

Had a really rough last week and a half. I knew something was wrong. I was a little over 8 weeks pregnant. Had an ultrasound, the baby's heartbeat was there and strong. 5 days later, we lost him. Thanksgiving just wasn't as happy and upbeat as it usually is.

I ache.

I am grateful though. Thankful for my sweet hubby who holds me and lets me cry. Who is suffering too, but despite his tears finds a way to care of me and our two little children who still need love and attention. Grateful for my mom who put me in bed and took care of my kids for days. Who let me cry and prayed for me. Who helped me the whole week by letting me stay at her house, take care of us, fix us food, and play games with me. Grateful for the 2 living angel children I have who give me sweet hugs and kisses. Thankful for my daddy who helped my husband give me a blessing. Who offered numerous prayers. Who played and distracted my kids many times during the last week. Grateful for my little brother who missed a day of school to take care of my kids and me while Brenton had to work. Even fixed me breakfast in bed. Who watched my kids so me and the hubby could go out and distract ourselves from this. Thankful for my other brother and sister in law who watched the kids for a few hours so we could escape reality again. For another brother and sister in law who offer their love and support to us constantly. I really am blessed, I just need to remember it.

My sister in law found this sweet poem for me. Thank you, Lisa.

How do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.
~Author Unknown.


***I don't know if it's considered good etiquette to post this pic on here, but since this is a type of journal for me, and this is the only picture I have of my baby, I wanted to keep it and preserve it.